January 16, 2013

Will I ever be a good mom?

I'm not a great mom.  I know this.  I lose my cool more often than I'd like to.  Sometimes I wish they would 'act right' more than I wish they would be themselves.  It's not even something I realize I'm doing.  Sometimes it would seem as though I care more about what strangers think than how my kids feel.

This is, of course, not true.  I love my kids more than anything in the world.  So, why do I do this?  Why does anyone do it?  I mean, we all treat the ones we love the most worse than we would a stranger at times, right?

Where do you learn to be a good parent?  I didn't have the greatest childhood.  It certainly wasn't the worst, but I didn't feel important growing up...I still don't.  Are you supposed to feel important as a child?  I want my boys to feel loved and important, so how do I do that?  If you never saw it growing up, how do you do it?  How do you get that balance of authority and love.  How do you let them know they rock your world without ruling it?

I'm a yo-yo, they are a yo-yo.  Consistency is key and I'm not consistent.  Sometimes I'm too hard on them, then I feel bad and I'm too easy on them.  Their family life has been ripped apart and I've tried to make up for that by giving in more often than I should, but that isn't their fault.  I can't let them do something three times and then all of a sudden get mad because they do the same thing again.

I think I need to pick out a few things I want them to know for certain as they grow and focus on those.  There are so many parenting books, so much conflicting information out there.   I mean, it's good because kids are all so different, but it can be overwhelming at times.  Do I really need to play with my kids for 4 hours a day?  Does that stunt their imagination or cause them to have a warped sense of reality, thinking that the world revolves around them and mommy does everything they want?  Or, is it just great time to spend bonding...time that, if you don't spend together, you will one day wish you could have back.

Are we over analyzing everything these days?  Are there a lot of people out there who, like me, don't feel like they have a 'place' in life?  Can I prevent this from happening to my boys?  What makes one feel secure with themselves?  A secure attachment growing up?  Is it just in the genes?

I love those little guys with all my being...here's to swallowing this mommy guilt and doing something to better all our lives.

God help us all.

1 comment:

  1. It's. Natural to wish to be the best parent that you can to your child/children. I worry about it too. I find that I try to explain things in a way that my children understand. I let them know that it is my job to teach them and share my knowledge with them. I've seen parents from the passive and overly lenient to the overly stern. I think probably somewhere in the middle is the best. I try to have guidelines/rules with an overabundance of love. Who knows what is right?

    I try to give them encouragement with daily compliments and praise, stressing that Iam proud of them and that as long as they do their best, then they will know they tried and did their best. I make sure that they know they are loved. I just try to help guide a positive way of thinking. We are all special wether or not someone says it. You are special and one of a kind, just as your children are. Enjoy them, guide them and love them. It should all fall into place.