This is, of course, not true. I love my kids more than anything in the world. So, why do I do this? Why does anyone do it? I mean, we all treat the ones we love the most worse than we would a stranger at times, right?
Where do you learn to be a good parent? I didn't have the greatest childhood. It certainly wasn't the worst, but I didn't feel important growing up...I still don't. Are you supposed to feel important as a child? I want my boys to feel loved and important, so how do I do that? If you never saw it growing up, how do you do it? How do you get that balance of authority and love. How do you let them know they rock your world without ruling it?
I think I need to pick out a few things I want them to know for certain as they grow and focus on those. There are so many parenting books, so much conflicting information out there. I mean, it's good because kids are all so different, but it can be overwhelming at times. Do I really need to play with my kids for 4 hours a day? Does that stunt their imagination or cause them to have a warped sense of reality, thinking that the world revolves around them and mommy does everything they want? Or, is it just great time to spend bonding...time that, if you don't spend together, you will one day wish you could have back.
Are we over analyzing everything these days? Are there a lot of people out there who, like me, don't feel like they have a 'place' in life? Can I prevent this from happening to my boys? What makes one feel secure with themselves? A secure attachment growing up? Is it just in the genes?
I love those little guys with all my being...here's to swallowing this mommy guilt and doing something to better all our lives.
God help us all.